Sometimes, it's really confusing to know who I am.
With the ever present force of social media and the internet, it's so hard not to get caught up in fads or popular ideas or what others think, eat, act, say, do, and are. Don't get me wrong, I love using Facebook and Instagram as much as the next person, but lately I've been catching myself getting caught up in thinking there are things I should be doing, and if I'm not, I'm missing out, uncool, or simply wrong. I so often find myself thinking I need to be more, more, more. If only, if only, if only.
If only I was more creative.
If only I was more strict with what I eat.
If only I was a better blogger.
If only I lived somewhere exciting like the beach or a foreign country.
If only I dressed more like them, or them, or
them.
I find myself comparing someone else's talents to my own level of creativity. Let's just face it. I'm never going to be that person that starts selling jewelry made of my own hair, or the pictures that I took using only a stick and an iPhone, or handmade collectibles out of that soup can from your recycling bin. I'm not. And that's ok, but a hard thing to remember. I AM the person that will buy those things from YOUR Etsy shop (except maybe the hair jewelry..that's totally weird). I'm still valuable. I'm no less of a person. I can be creative in my own ways, quietly enjoying my (sometimes bad) creations.
Because I enjoy eating healthy and staying fit, I am friends with a lot of others that do, too. My diet choices are often under my own suspicion. Does that mean I need to be gluten free, dairy free, soy free, vegetarian, vegan, sugar free, caffeine free, yummy free? No. What works for you is great, but honestly, I like bread. And cheese. And Butterfingers. So I'm going to eat it, and it works for me. Could I be healthier? Yes. But I've chosen other ways to improve my fitness and overall health, such as drinking a ton of water every day, eating more vegetables and fruit and lean proteins. I feel guilty when I see photos praising that crust made out of almonds or cauliflower, or people who "indulge" in dairy-soy-sugar free ice cream as a cheat. But can I just get a little GO GIRL directed over here when I put that leftover piece of Halloween candy back in the bowl and move on? I need encouragement to make healthier choices just like you, and though my progress or small goals may seem as easy as making a wish to others, I can look back with satisfaction on what I've accomplished so far without feeling like less of a person because I'm not "there" yet.
I don't live that exciting of a life. This blog is pretty boring. I don't have a kid to post cute pictures or videos of, live in a land of enchantment or constantly gorgeous scenery (sorry, NC), or interact with many people above the age of 10 on a daily basis. I don't have endless money to buy beautiful clothes and blog about my obnoxiously stylish outfits. This blog has obviously had a theme throughout most of the posts - running. It's what I do most, best, and what I can feel a sense of accomplishment about. But the title of this blog is Being Mrs. Beck, and Mrs. Beck is a complex person; I'm still learning what being her means.
She is not a lot of things. She is a lot of things at the same time.
She is mom to two dogs and two cats - a heater at night to snuggle against, a face to nudge for breakfast, legs to hide behind during thunderstorms, someone to romp in front of on walks, to play hide and seek with in the house.
She is a wife to a loving husband - doer of countless loads of laundry, cooker of favorite meals, owner of cold feet to warm up and itchy back to scratch.
She is a runner - a marathoner, a triathlete, with failures behind her and new records in front.
She drinks peppermint hot chocolate, hates coffee, enjoys at least one piece of candy a day, had eaten quinoa exactly one time in her life (so far), is learning to like onions, thinks life would be terrible without cheese, and enjoys a good steak.
She is obsessed with fall and Christmas scented candles from Bath and Body Works. Fresh Balsam in April? No biggie.
She bought her first brand name, couture bag a year ago. And was quite proud of it.
She steals decorating ideas from Pinterest and copies them. And recipes, and outfits, and presents, and makeup tips, and hairstyles.
She lives in a medium size town in North Carolina, far away from her family but learning to have a new one. She has discovered that friends are family.
She doesn't bake often enough, shops at Plato's Closet and Target and Old Navy, and drinks too much sweet tea.
She walks to work.
She is a child of the Living God, saved by grace, loved unconditionally for who she is and who she isn't, who she wants to be, and who she's never going to be.
She is me.
